"You Can't Handcuff the Wind" - Julian Baratt

The problem with most songs that try to recreate an 80s sound is that they go too far. People in the 80s weren’t trying to create an 80s song, they were just creating a song of and with the tools of the time. When modern musicians try to do an 80s style hit, it’s all pastels and synths and mullets and goofy aerobic dance moves. The result just feels like a copy of a copy (of a copy). It’s too pristine and not shaggy enough. This is what makes “You Can’t Handcuff the Wind” such an achievement.

You may know Julian Barratt as one half of the British comedy duo, The Mighty Boosh. Listen, to try and explain the song and how it fits in with Barratt and the 2016 movie Mindhorn isn’t the best use of the 18 sentences I give myself here each day. What I want you to focus on is just how perfect “You Can’t Handcuff the Wind” nails the 1980s. The searing guitar tone, the descending synth-bell tones, the electronic drums. And then there are lyrics packed with meaningless clichés like “We rolled the dice, We played the game, Now every cards been turned, Girl, if you try to hold onto fire, You're gonna get burned...” And the video is a fog-drenched, neon-lit, “sultry” garbage heap with superb hair and makeup (especially the keyboardist).

But “You Can’t Handcuff the Wind” isn’t just a joke song. Musicality is not sacrificed for mirth. It’s a legit bop in the best of 80s traditions. Listen to it and you’ll sing along and agree that no, you can’t handcuff the wind, and if you try you’re going to fail because it is like trying to put thunder in jail. If you lived through the 80s, “You Can’t Handcuff the Wind” will feel like a warm blanket wrapped around the gun barrel of a cheesy action movie. If you didn’t live through the 80s, well, this is a pretty accurate representation of what it was like.

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Class of ‘90 rulez.